i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
