ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
and you fell through a lawn chair
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
