I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
