My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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