Ambien. No doubt about it.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
