My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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