saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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