Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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