he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
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