i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
