I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
