I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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