Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
