i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
