Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
