I'm sorry my penis didn't work
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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