You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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