i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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