Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
