Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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