and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize