Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Sober January is a disaster.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
