you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
