Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
FUCK WHALES
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
