i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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