I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
