Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Alive.
So much puke
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
