break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
