Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
