I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
