Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I want to fling myself into the sun
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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