He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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