the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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