Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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