Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
