is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
