I need to stop coming to work sober
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
