The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My life is pants optional.
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