So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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