omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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