ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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