Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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