No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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