Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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