you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
nutella sex= disaster
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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