You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
