I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
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They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
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He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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