once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
