I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
