I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize