just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
