Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
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how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
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what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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