I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize