I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
