Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
