You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
