im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
