apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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