I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
