My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
