I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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