Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
