She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
