Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
