She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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