THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
