A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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