ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
