yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I am naked and annoyed.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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