Apparently you make a good broom.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
