he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
