It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
