i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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