i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
