Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
