Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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