Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
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I woke up to her vacumming the grass
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
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The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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