I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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