I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
