Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
